“I am not a parent” by Adriana
I am not a parent.
I did not build your bones in my belly like your mother
I did not lay you to sleep with a kiss each night like your father
I did not see the way your eyes,
your nose,
your feet,
or your sweet soft smile resembled my own.
You were not mine.
So why, when my eyes open each day,
do I feel like an entire part of me has vanished?
So why do I feel like when your heart stopped beating,
mine did too?
You were not mine.
Yet if the day comes for me to have my own,
I will think of you and my heart will break again
because although I did not create you,
you will always be the first who filled my heart and showed me
how the love of a child can swallow you whole.
Because although I did not create you,
I saw the way you would mimic my laugh
I saw the way you would repeat my words
I saw the way you would copy my rhythm.
I am not a parent,
but I am your Tita,
and you will always be the part of me that I have lost
the part of me that I strive to get back
the part of me that pushes me forward
to find love and light in the midst of the darkness.
I am not a parent,
but you will always be
my sweet Jackson boy.
